Шутки на английском языке (Jokes)



Knok Knock Jokes: видео Blonde Jokes: видео Yo Mama Jokes: 1, 2, 3 For more jokes go to Funny Jokes...


Здесь представлены некоторые шутки на английском языке

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Gosh, don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch.
Etch who?
Bless you!
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business. (None of your business.)
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there? 
Olive. 
Olive who? 
Olive you so much! (I love you so much.)
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya who?
Wow. You sure are excited to see me!
 
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows don’t go who, they go moo!
 
Иностранец покупает билеты в кассе аэропорта:
– Ту тикетс ту Даблин.
– Куда блин?!
– Туда блин!
 
Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? 
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
 
At school
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? 
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
 
– I was born in California.
– Which part?
– All of me.
 
At the cafe
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it. 
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.
 
– Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. 
– You are a taxi.
 
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
 
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?". "Wrong number," replied the girl.
 
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you – you've broken your finger!"
 
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.
 
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
The translator.
 
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
 
What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?
"Must be an earthquake."
 
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her a blonde joke.
 
Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland and came to a fork in the road.
The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home. 
 
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
 
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
 
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
 
Yo Mama is like a refrigerator. Meat goes in and out all day.
 
Yo Mama is so unpopular even her own shadow refuses to follow her.
 
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? 
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? 
Little Johnny: But I asked first!



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